Grieving For Health

This was me Monday, sat on the stairs at one of my temporary jobs.

So scared for not being able to do my dream job.

On the verge of crumbling.

Having an Occupational Health phone call for my new job.

Answering how vulnerable I am and how capable I am to work.

I know jobs can’t discriminate but if I am to work I need to know I can do a good job to put patients first and give them the best quality care.

It’s not just about me and my ego.

I was terrified that they would say it’s too risky to work in ICU… luckily I’m now off the Meth so I got the go ahead.

But it really hit home.

It’s not just an illness, this is my whole life.

This disease is going to stop me from doing things, I know that. But when it’s not just about me, it’s not easy to accept.

I am lucky to be able to work, not everyone has that choice. And I will be grateful for it everyday. But I’m also not blind to the fact that with the unpredictability of this condition, that could change any day.

So when I start at the hospital, I will use that knowledge and attitude to my advantage. To the advantage of my patients. I am here for them and I will be putting my everything in every single day.